I decided to elaborate. OK?

Wonder why I'm mad and NOT chilling out? Here's why. It's not about just ONE night of plans falling through. It's about it happening consistently from the same people. Plans in general. It's about the same people closest to me being consistently unreliable.

People who if I had a problem and would normally call first, I wouldn't call anymore because most likely, they wouldn't answer. I can understand that shit happens, and that everyone has shit going on in their lives. I get it completely.

But it's the same shit time and time again. No one seems to understand where I'm coming from and it's pissing me off. I hardly ever get mad, or when I do I keep it to myself. So now that I'm mad and I'm letting everyone know, they want to tell me to chill out like I don't have the right or a reason to be angry or frustrated. I do. I'd be less angry if they could get where I'm coming from and realize I am not so to ridiculous as to get upset and freak out over one tiny thing or a single night.This single night just ties everything else together that's been bugging the hell out of me and I've been keeping it to myself. But unless I actually get mad, no one is going to take me seriously. Which in that sense is partially my fault for putting up with it all the time.

Being sorry is all well and good, but after a while it gets old. Instead people being sorry all the time, change it. Just do what you said you would. It's that simple. I just want to actually be able to count on people.I want to be taken seriously without having to go all bitch fit on people. It's so simple that it was practically under everyone's nose the whole time. Here it is, spelled out for everyone to see. && To whoever disagrees, or doesn't like what I have to say, oh well. I'm the the honey badger. I don't care, I don't give a shit. (refer to the honey badger video I posted a couple days ago if you don't get it.)

Now, since I got all that bullshit out of the way, my pizza is cold again. I'm going to heat it up, eat it like I've never ate before, and go to bed.

Take it easy.

It's been a while since I've written a blog, I'm slacking. I always start a journal determined to write every day or quite often. I manage for a week or so, then lose interest. The longest I have managed to keep up with a journal was a year. Which was quite some time ago. It's not that I don't have anything to write about, I just can't seem to find the words to express myself in the manner of which I would like to.

My last entry was about my mom. The health issue I was speaking of was the possibility of cervical cancer. She had had a biopsy a couple days prior to that entry, and we had to wait two weeks to know the results. Well, I guess they found cancer cells, but thankfully the surgery to remove them is only a minor one. So I am relieved. Just the thought of cancer is a scary a thing. Especially the thought of my mom having it, and having to go through the battle. I've ran through so many worst case scenarios in my mind, all of which would be incredibly unbearable if they ever came true.

Now that we know it's not so serious, I can breath a little easier and my anxiety has calmed down. I'll have my hands full for a couple of weeks while my mom is recuperating, but that's quite all right with me. I owe her after all the surgeries she's helped me through. Which I've been lucky to not have to go through for 10 years now. Hopefully I can keep it up. =P

I will try to keep up with this. Even though all I really do is blab and ramble a lot. But I need it seeing as I had a slight break down last week from holding every little thing in. Old habits die hard, what can I say? Anyway, now that I've got a load off my mind, I am going to go in my room, read, and relax.

Adios!

Thanks, California Weather.

The cold everyone seems to be getting has kindly migrated it's way over to me. Quite suddenly, too. Saturday night I was out having drinks with my best friend for her birthday, early Sunday morning, boom, sore throat accompanied by a stuffed up nose.

Within a blink of an eye my plans for the week have been tarnished. Goodbye plans, hello bed. Don't get me wrong, I love my bed with all of my little beating heart, just not as much when I've been confined to it for three days.

Thanks to my crappy immune system this cold isn't going to let up unless I rest and do all the necessary things one is supposed to do to rid a cold. Which consist of: Drinking lots of fluids (water, hot tea), sleep my days away, and eat soup. I'm sure the jack in the box, pepsi, and pizza I had today weren't exactly helpful. I couldn't help it, each were just so good. What I could taste of them. I discovered that due to my cold screwing up my taste buds, I can get through a whole bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. Normally I am a wimp and can only eat a couple of them before needing to chug a bunch of water to cool my burning mouth. One small upside, I guess.

The only REAL upside would be this cold kicking rocks ASAP. My poor little nose is raw and as red as Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer from constantly blowing it. I get up for too long my stomach starts churning, my head spins and I am over this whole ordeal.  Sadly all I can do is let this menace of a cold play it's course. In the meantime, I will keep my fingers AND toes crossed that it migrates out of my system sooner rather than later. 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Open book? Not even. It takes a lot of time and effort for me to open up to anyone about even the simplest of things. I've had this big gray wall up my whole life. Few have been able to break it down. One would be lucky if I let them put a crack in it. I think that sometimes it's more that I don't trust myself to trust others, if that makes any sense at all. The second I trust someone even a little, I give them power to disappoint me. That's a risk I'm not sure I am willing to take, not again. If they want even ounce of trust from me, then they'll have to work for it. Just remember," actions speak louder than words." Words are useless if one does not reinforce them with their actions.

This is how I work. I am "sticking to my guns." Whoever can handle that and stick around, deserves a round of applause. Although, I won't hold my breath...

Another day of rain rain rain.

Trickle trickle trickle. It's still raining here on my end of California.The sky is different shades of gray. Gloomy. Surely not my kind of weather. I prefer the warm sun, accompanied by a clear blue sky. I would love to feel the warmth of the sun against my pale skin. My skin could use some color, right now I'm white enough to glow in the dark. This presents a problem come summer time when I will be needing to wear shorts and swim suits(I can't wait to by a new one!). Oh, and the fresh fruit from the fruit stands. Really, who doesn't love fresh fruit on a hot summer day? Only a crazy person wouldn't. A nice fresh, cold nectarine, oh man I really want one now. Instead I will settle for the nice warm hamburger sitting right in front of me. Time to eat!

Sleep is a bitch.

I'm awake, but oh how I wish I was still asleep. Sure it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, SO WHAT? I'm tired. Sure sure it's my fault for not going to bed at a decent hour. It is not my fault that I was freezing my skinny ass off and couldn't fall asleep if my life depended on it. The heater seems to have a mind of it's own. It turns off and on whenever it damn well pleases. I tossed and turned. Every time I moved I was cold again. I threw the blankets over my face, but threw them off because I felt as if I couldn't breath. It was a lose lose situation for me. As it often is when I am trying to fall asleep. SCREW YOU INSOMNIA.

Now is no time to bitch about my sleeping habits, though. I have things to do, and people to do...and people to see. =) Thanks to my mom making brunch I have a stomach full of waffles, eggs, and potatoes. Thanks to my sister doing her thing in the bathroom, I got my plate first.

Welp I ought to take a shower and make myself presentable. Tonight is going to be a fun night with my best friends. I am doing a few hair cuts when I get there, which will thankfully put a little money in my pocket. Then it's time for food and drinking and lots and lots of shit talking fun times. I'll be back with stories. ;-D

Adios.

Sisterly Love

Love is a complicated, funny thing. I love my sister to death. Her endless rants when I am trying to think, not so much. I guess I should elaborate. I'm sure you're thinking I am speaking of a younger sister. Wrong. My sister is four years older, and is mentally handicap. We couldn't get a specific diagnosis from doctors. All I know is it may be that she was born "backwards." If there is a technical term, I am not sure what it is. 

To put it simply, she has the mental capacity of about a 4 or 5 year old. She often goes on little rants that are never directed towards any one that is actually there, but usually toward people she actually knows. My friends, usually. She likes to drop the "f" bomb and tell them that it's late and it is time to get up. She has two imaginary friends. Trudy and Pingirl. Where they came about, I couldn't tell ya. Mentioning them to her, however, is key to getting her from a bad mood, to a good one. It seems odd, but 4 and 5 year old's are odd, aren't they? There isn't any reasoning or rationalizing with a 5 year old. Especially one stuck in a 27 year old woman's body. Hardly a simple task.

Change is especially difficult. We've all gone through a lot of that in the last few years. Change is difficult when you can't understand it. She'll never understand why my parents split up or why her and my mom moved. She went from being the most happy go lucky person I have ever known to being sad and difficult. Her moods changed like the California weather. I often got frustrated with her. Seeing my sister upset and unresponsive to me trying to cheer her up broke my heart. All she wanted was my mom a lot of the time, but mom had to work.She couldn't understand that. It kind of felt like I had lost my sister. . I'm happy to say she's gotten better. She still has her moments, but I think with the proper medication she'll be the giggly goober she always was.