Life is, as usual, quite a roller coaster these days. My mom broke up with her boyfriend. Who was more obsessed with her than in love with her. We moved in with my aunt, then a week later my mom and dad decided to get back together. Now, the process of moving in with my dad in his new house, and getting used to the whole bing a family again has begun. Some days, or moments even, I'm ok with it. While other times, I'm not so sure how to feel about it. Once again things are moving really quickly. I'm not sure the ground beneath my feet is steady or if it's going to fall through the second I put all of my weight on it. I even find myself unsure of my place in the whole process. I'll be honest I feel quite in the way. Sometimes even a burden. Of course not having a job still doesn't help. Maybe once I am able to find a stable job it will be a different story. I can save up, and "get out of the way." Then I can focus on me, get myself together so I can stop feeling like I'm a good for nothing piece of shit. As well as get everyone and their monkey's uncle off my case. Especially my dad. Otherwise living with him again will turn out to be unbearable. I have to watch myself, I don't want to piss him off because he'll kick me out, for a 3rd time. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells some times. I'm 24 on Tuesday, and I have NO choices right now. I need to step my game up and change that. /=
It's my birthday weekend, too. I don' even feel excited about it. Once I'm out tomorrow night, get a couple drinks in me I will get out of my little rut. With a couple friends there to be in my corner I'll be good. I just need a night to put everything that is bugging me in the back of my mind for a little bit. We'll see. /=
