The last few years of my life have been such a roller coaster. When I think back to how bad things were, I'm amazed at where I'm at right now. It's still a little tough to wrap my mind around the fact that everything is actually ok. I got used to it all being so up and down that I'm still a little weary. I don't want to get too comfortable. Waiting for things to go bad has almost become 2nd nature. There are no more lies waiting to come out. My sister isn't crying and screaming every day. I'm not fighting with my dad. I haven't had to pack up my life. I haven't cried or been angry from all the stress of everything being so BROKEN. The pieces are being put back together. I never thought I'd see the day. I never expected things to get better, and they have. The silver lining came, and didn't go away like I expected it to.
I'm not complaining. I am merely reflecting. I'm trying to understand my thoughts and feelings. I'm trying to get used to things being good. I'm trying to learn to trust it all, and let myself plant my feet on solid ground. The whole happy family became so foreign to me that I'm even still getting used to that idea. I supposed one day at a time, I will eventually let myself be ok with being ok, if that makes any sense at all.
Anywho. That's all for now. =)
Monday, April 9, 2012
Written October 26th, 2010.
I know I've met you. I know at one time, I loved you. Your heart was imperfect, as was mine. While mine grew strong and lived on, yours faded away and above. You faded too soon, brother, sooner before I was old enough to remember you throughout my lifetime.
I look back on memories that are not mine, only stories that have been told to me. Yet, I somehow feel it is my duty to life through this obscene life and make it worth the fight we both had fought together in the beginning.
Your smile has left my young memory, how I wish I could see it for myself instead of hearing those stories. You went before I could understand what "gone forever" meant. I try my best because I think that it is what you, my brother, would want me to do. Isn't it? A question I wish you were here to answer.
Forgive me for my selfishness. Wishing you away from resting peacefully above. But a part of me is empty. Empty from never being able to know you or remember that at one time, I was your sister, and that I had once loved you, my dear, Baby Brother.
Kari Nicole
I know I've met you. I know at one time, I loved you. Your heart was imperfect, as was mine. While mine grew strong and lived on, yours faded away and above. You faded too soon, brother, sooner before I was old enough to remember you throughout my lifetime.
I look back on memories that are not mine, only stories that have been told to me. Yet, I somehow feel it is my duty to life through this obscene life and make it worth the fight we both had fought together in the beginning.
Your smile has left my young memory, how I wish I could see it for myself instead of hearing those stories. You went before I could understand what "gone forever" meant. I try my best because I think that it is what you, my brother, would want me to do. Isn't it? A question I wish you were here to answer.
Forgive me for my selfishness. Wishing you away from resting peacefully above. But a part of me is empty. Empty from never being able to know you or remember that at one time, I was your sister, and that I had once loved you, my dear, Baby Brother.
Kari Nicole
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