Die hard habits.

It's true, what they say... old habits do die hard. They're hard to break. Maybe you can hold back for a while, but usually those habits will come slithering right back. Then there you are, right back where your sorry bad habit having ass began.

Maybe, one who could actually stop being in denial, and honest with themself could leave the old habits behind. That all starts with telling the truth. One may lie to keep their lives in tact. Of course you would think that after so many times of that plan failing one would learn their lesson. I thought maybe someone had. Then there it is, right before my eyes. The lies, the denial.

Maybe I'm not much better. I'm with holding what I know, in an effort to keep things from shattering again. Not for my own sake. I'm sure a lot of people, my family in particular may think I'm selfish. Trust me, I'm not. I've let many a lie go too keep others from being hurt. Although with holding may eventually do that in time anyway. It shouldn't be my place to begin with.

 I know the entry is quite vague, as if it were some sort of cryptic message. It is vague, but not a cryptic message. Just me rambling, trying to sort through my thoughts. It's not really working.

I will continue to with hold what is bothering me so. In time, without my speaking up, it will all come out. I just hope I'm near a table so I can duck and cover.

Bye bye kitty.

Another gloomy day on my part of the world. Not only because of gray skies and rain. I had to put my 14 year old cat, Feisty, to sleep this morning. I felt so bad, leaving her lifeless on that powder blue vet table. She was so sick, she had been for a while. She meowed in pain all night last night, so I had to do what was right. As hard as it was, I stayed in the room with her while the Dr. and assistant euthanized her. It was quick and painless for her, but it made my heart sink. The skin around her neck where the techinician held her to keep her still stayed bunched up and stiff, she was gone.

After the procedure was done they gave me a moment to say good bye to her. I only stayed a minute, kissed her and walked out. My heart is in my throat every time I think about it. Anyone who is an animal lover could understand. Letting go of a pet is tough. I rescued her from the pound right before my 10th birthday, I grew up with her. It's as if another part of my childhood is gone. This is not the worse loss, or hardest thing I've ever done in my life, yet, surely not the easiest in the least bit.

 She was a pretty good cat. Despite her name, she wasn't feisty at all. She was lovey dovey as could be. Especially with me. I was hers, not the other way around. She lived a happy and spoiled life. I wouldn't have had it any other way. =) R.I.P .

Gloom and doom

It's baaaaack. The rainy days are BACK. I am still not a fan of the rain, or the cold. This gloom and doom weather will never make it to my "favorite things" list. Even so, I don't exactly care for days so scortching hot that I could cook an egg on the pavement. Not that I would do that, I would deem that egg inedible. Unless I was on the verge of death from hunger, then I would make an exception to eating that egg. That is not an exaggeration, I really am that picky of my food. Although I would at a pavement cooked egg over one that has been landed on by a pesky fly. Yes, I am a picky eater. Lets get back to the weather, shall we?

 A couple more upsides to the rain: I don't have to wash my car, and clean air which will help with my allergies. It will be quite nice to be able  to sleep without a stuffy nose, or wake up to one. I could live without irritated itchy eyes, too.

Considering that I reside in California, tomorrow could be as bright as a summer day. So bright you would never think that the day before it had been one such as today. But, tomorrow has yet to come. So for now, I will keep on my warm pajama pants, throw on some socks, wrap myself up in one of my favorite blankets, and watch tv or maybe even read a book.