Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Open book? Not even. It takes a lot of time and effort for me to open up to anyone about even the simplest of things. I've had this big gray wall up my whole life. Few have been able to break it down. One would be lucky if I let them put a crack in it. I think that sometimes it's more that I don't trust myself to trust others, if that makes any sense at all. The second I trust someone even a little, I give them power to disappoint me. That's a risk I'm not sure I am willing to take, not again. If they want even ounce of trust from me, then they'll have to work for it. Just remember," actions speak louder than words." Words are useless if one does not reinforce them with their actions.

This is how I work. I am "sticking to my guns." Whoever can handle that and stick around, deserves a round of applause. Although, I won't hold my breath...

Another day of rain rain rain.

Trickle trickle trickle. It's still raining here on my end of California.The sky is different shades of gray. Gloomy. Surely not my kind of weather. I prefer the warm sun, accompanied by a clear blue sky. I would love to feel the warmth of the sun against my pale skin. My skin could use some color, right now I'm white enough to glow in the dark. This presents a problem come summer time when I will be needing to wear shorts and swim suits(I can't wait to by a new one!). Oh, and the fresh fruit from the fruit stands. Really, who doesn't love fresh fruit on a hot summer day? Only a crazy person wouldn't. A nice fresh, cold nectarine, oh man I really want one now. Instead I will settle for the nice warm hamburger sitting right in front of me. Time to eat!

Sleep is a bitch.

I'm awake, but oh how I wish I was still asleep. Sure it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, SO WHAT? I'm tired. Sure sure it's my fault for not going to bed at a decent hour. It is not my fault that I was freezing my skinny ass off and couldn't fall asleep if my life depended on it. The heater seems to have a mind of it's own. It turns off and on whenever it damn well pleases. I tossed and turned. Every time I moved I was cold again. I threw the blankets over my face, but threw them off because I felt as if I couldn't breath. It was a lose lose situation for me. As it often is when I am trying to fall asleep. SCREW YOU INSOMNIA.

Now is no time to bitch about my sleeping habits, though. I have things to do, and people to do...and people to see. =) Thanks to my mom making brunch I have a stomach full of waffles, eggs, and potatoes. Thanks to my sister doing her thing in the bathroom, I got my plate first.

Welp I ought to take a shower and make myself presentable. Tonight is going to be a fun night with my best friends. I am doing a few hair cuts when I get there, which will thankfully put a little money in my pocket. Then it's time for food and drinking and lots and lots of shit talking fun times. I'll be back with stories. ;-D

Adios.

Sisterly Love

Love is a complicated, funny thing. I love my sister to death. Her endless rants when I am trying to think, not so much. I guess I should elaborate. I'm sure you're thinking I am speaking of a younger sister. Wrong. My sister is four years older, and is mentally handicap. We couldn't get a specific diagnosis from doctors. All I know is it may be that she was born "backwards." If there is a technical term, I am not sure what it is. 

To put it simply, she has the mental capacity of about a 4 or 5 year old. She often goes on little rants that are never directed towards any one that is actually there, but usually toward people she actually knows. My friends, usually. She likes to drop the "f" bomb and tell them that it's late and it is time to get up. She has two imaginary friends. Trudy and Pingirl. Where they came about, I couldn't tell ya. Mentioning them to her, however, is key to getting her from a bad mood, to a good one. It seems odd, but 4 and 5 year old's are odd, aren't they? There isn't any reasoning or rationalizing with a 5 year old. Especially one stuck in a 27 year old woman's body. Hardly a simple task.

Change is especially difficult. We've all gone through a lot of that in the last few years. Change is difficult when you can't understand it. She'll never understand why my parents split up or why her and my mom moved. She went from being the most happy go lucky person I have ever known to being sad and difficult. Her moods changed like the California weather. I often got frustrated with her. Seeing my sister upset and unresponsive to me trying to cheer her up broke my heart. All she wanted was my mom a lot of the time, but mom had to work.She couldn't understand that. It kind of felt like I had lost my sister. . I'm happy to say she's gotten better. She still has her moments, but I think with the proper medication she'll be the giggly goober she always was.